British Political Football
Dmitriy SEDOV | 15.04.2016 | FEATURED STORY

British Political Football

Football, which was invented by the English, is considered a serious and responsible business these days. Thousands of people play, millions support, and billions of dollars is tied up in this enthralling sport. And it is a national sport that perfectly reflects the British character. It involves pressure, the ability to dodge and take a direct kick, the shrill whistle of the referee and, most importantly, an insatiable desire to win. British politics is highly reminiscent of this game.

Take the cries of protest in parliament and the media regarding the offshore shenanigans of Prime Minister David Cameron, for example. Are they not the referee’s whistle?

And what about the prime minister? Head hanging down, he admitted what had happened, he’d been offside. But only a little and, if truth be told, he’s not really guilty of anything, because the whole business was passed to him by way of inheritance. It’s a hereditary disease, so to speak. It was his father, Ian Cameron, who had shares in the disreputable company Blairmore Holdings, which made its money in tax havens. And then David came onto the field and began to manage these shares himself.

«Why didn’t he admit it? Why didn’t he get rid of the shares when he became prime minister?» the fans yell.

«As if it’s all that simple», Cameron murmurs under his breath. «There’s so much to do, so much to think about. I got carried away with the game and didn’t notice I had strayed into forbidden territory».

«Aha!» exclaims the British public, which loves a scandal and rejoices over the misfortune of others. «We’re going to check your tax returns now and everything will be revealed next week. Get ready for a fair British trial». 

Cameron quietened down while waiting for the check to take place. You wouldn’t have recognised the brave prime minister who, in the style of a speedy British striker, collided with rival teams, choosing Russia as the main target of his attack. He didn’t let up. From the standpoint of his moral integrity, he tried to score goals between Moscow’s goalposts, although with little success. Rebukes about human rights violations, corruption, preparations to seize defenceless neighbours and all that sort of thing flew towards the goal, and all these decoy moves were invented by experienced British coaches. 

And what rotten luck! After taking possession of the ball in the offside position, David Cameron somehow managed to turn badly and the ball ricocheted off a goalpost and hit him right in the forehead. 

A mistake like that can cost you dearly and British football does not easily forgive such errors. 

There are serious grounds to assume that British diplomats and intelligence agencies have a direct bearing on the Panama offshore scandal or, more precisely, on the mystery of its origin. There has never been a time in history when a major international story emanating from the US has not involved London. It is considered the cradle of imperialism after all and is particularly inventive in developing the most improbable and ingenious political dodges. And no-one is any doubt that the latest ‘Panama’ is political. 

This time around, David Cameron is really rather upset, since it looks like he has been caught in his own trap. Perhaps it’s worth being slightly less cunning and playing a more honest game? 

And here we are again on Britain’s double standards! It’s a waste of time even talking about them. The referees will confer and, in accordance with these standards, not only will political footballer Cameron go unpunished, he will probably also be awarded some kind of prize. In British political football, there are a huge number of rewards for every occasion. The prestige of a nation is at stake after all.

Tags: UK  Cameron